5. List family correctly
The most common source of family conflict. Decide your rules in advance.
Checklist
- Spouse or partner, with marriage year if desired
- Children in birth order, with cities
- A written rule for in-laws and step-family
- Grandchildren — named or counted
- Surviving parents and siblings
- A separate 'preceded in death by' sentence
- Every name confirmed by someone in that branch
Order: spouse or partner, children in birth order with spouses, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, parents, siblings.
Separate the living and the dead into two sentences: 'is survived by' and 'was preceded in death by'.
Decide your rule on in-laws, step-relations and partners before writing, then apply it to everyone. Inconsistency causes the offence — including one child's spouse but not another's is remembered for years.
Name long-term unmarried partners as partners.
Counting distant descendants is safer than naming them. 'Twelve grandchildren and nineteen great-grandchildren' risks no omission.
Beloved animals may be included. Readers rarely object.
Tip Circulate the survivor list to one representative per family branch before publishing. Faster than apologising afterwards.
Avoid Omitting a living child, whatever the history, reads to the community as a deliberate statement. Make that choice knowingly.